What Price Freedom?

             What is freedom? What does freedom mean to you?  What price are you willing to pay in order to obtain freedom? To me it’s priceless. It means being able to make my life what I want it to be, with sacrifice, courage, faith, and hope.
           The Vietnamese civil war was a long and exhausting affair, which claimed many lives and affected many families (Vietnamese and American). 
            In the 1970s I was a teenager. I had seen nothing yet of life and the world. My father was a very successful businessman so I grew up with luxury and privilege, everything I wanted my father would give me. I never had to struggle for anything I wanted or needed, it was simply handed to me.
            When I was growing up, I was unaware of the civil war. It had been going on since I was very young, and had not yet affected me. The Tet Offensive in 1968 brought the war into my consciousness. The Easter Offensive of 1972 escalated the war, and many of my friends were drafted as they finished high school. At that point I really started to understand the ramifications of the war.
            The war wreaked havoc on my life. It curtailed the innocent and carefree days of my youth, and destroyed many of our young people, their families, and my country. It still haunts me; it is always an undercurrent in my mind
            April 30, 1975. That was the day when South Vietnam fell to the Communists. I was hiding in a shelter underground and afraid I would die. Life as I had known it had just become a distant memory. 
            The atmosphere in Viet Nam under the Communists at that time was one of fear and terror. Everyone spied on everyone else, and if you did something someone didn’t like, you could be reported to the authorities. We were constantly at risk of offending the wrong person, doing the wrong thing. Anyone could be arrested and tortured at any time.
            Being wealthy was now a liability, and my father could no longer work at his business. The new government considered him an oppressor of the people, thinking that he was forcing them to work for him without proper recompense. We were paralyzed with fear and anticipation of horrible things, and within a few months we were put in a re-education camp.
            When we got out, my father was forced to make one of the most difficult decisions of his life. To ensure my safety and survival he knew I must escape the Communist regime and leave Vietnam, the only home I had known.
            I was twenty years old, and it was important to my father that I would be well taken care of. He did not want me to escape alone, but he couldn’t come with me. He decided he must remain in Viet Nam. If anything happened during my escape then he would be able to do something to rescue me.
            My father was worried that I would be traveling into an unknown world on an uncertain journey. He decided the best way to make sure I would be well taken care of was to have me get married so that my husband would take care of me and continue to keep me safe.
            So I married a stranger. There was no physical dowry, one which would have been typical for a wedding in Viet Nam. Instead my husband gave an emotional dowry, the promise to my father, and me, that he would care for, love, and protect me, my father’s only child.
            My sacrifice to get my freedom was to marry a perfect stranger, and come to a country I had never known, with only a handful of dollars in my pocket. My father’s unconditional love gave him the strength to let me go, even though I was his only child and his world had revolved around me.
            My faith and my strength carried me through to be able to know what freedom was about, in a way that was wholly new to me. I appreciate freedom today far more than I could have if I had not had to struggle and sacrifice for every bit of the life I have now. 

This is an excerpt from Empowered by Hope, which will be coming out this fall.

           This past week-end, I had a great time visiting with friends. We enjoyed the gift of each other’s company and an extraordinarily fine lunch.   

We had first met thirty years ago. At the time our children were toddlers, and now, our children are parents themselves. Time just flies! My friends brought their granddaughter and I brought my album full of pictures of my beautiful grandchildren.  First we caught up on our children—their three children and my four. Then we talked about the good old days and then, of course, we exchanged anecdotes about our grandchildren and the innocent and magical age they are right now.

            I told them how impressed I am with my two sons and their wives and their son and his wife…What good parents they are. The way they care for their children, discipline them….Ah, I think they are much better equipped to be great parents then we were.

            One of the great joys of being a grandparent is that we can just enjoy the grandchildren, then hand them back to their parents. Because our children are themselves such good parents, we can happily return our precious grandchildren to their loving and caring parents.

            Life is good. However, the fact remains that we are getting older. My friends gently reminded me: Yes, we are getting old! But that means we still have a wonderful life to live with the newest generation.

            Life is full of surprises and at times, despite how hard you try to move ahead, you just feel like you’re on a treadmill. You’re going the distance but not getting anywhere, you’re still in the exact same spot! Sometimes we feel like we’re juggling many balls, putting in lots of effort just to keep them in the air, without accomplishing anything.  At these times we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, out-of-control.

            In the black hole of frustration and despair, there is a magnetic force that can suck you in, so you need to find a way to move out of reach of that magnetic suction. How do you resist it and get moving again?

            Okay, take a deep breath. Find your center, the part of you that is calm and quiet (yes, you know it’s there somewhere) and feel the strength of your inner balance.

            You may need to take a few minutes, or an hour or a day, to sit with your calm, balanced self and rest and bring your focus back to the present, to what is most important. Decide what really needs to be done now, and what can wait till later. Can you ask for help, delegate a bit? Just let some of it go? Whatever you decide, you will have an easier, more productive time after you have centered and focused yourself.

            I learned this lesson recently from my three-year-old granddaughter, my esteemed “old” philosopher. In the midst of spinning out of control, too many things to do and too little time to do them, she taught me a profound lesson in living every day life. 

            Going into the bathroom, she told me that she’s a big girl now; she doesn’t have to sit on the Elmo booster toilet seat any more. “SEE A’Má!  I just balance myself so that I don’t fall into the big bowl.” And that’s what she did!

            I had my own “A Ha” moment then…the key is balance.

            As I said when I parted from my friends:  Until we meet again, my friends, I wish you good health, good fortune and a good sense of equanimity.

“Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.” – Victor Kiam

            Welcome to my “fortune cookie” house. I have inspirational quotes and Confucius’ sayings posted everywhere. They’re on my bedroom door, the ceiling, in my bathroom, in my office. This morning, I looked in the bathroom mirror, and there it was:  “Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.” – Victor Kiam…
            HMMM, so just who was Victor Kiam?  I looked him up in the Wikipedia. Victor K. Kiam (1926—2001) was an entrepreneur and owner of the New England Patriots from 1988-1991. “Upon Kiam’s death The Times quoted one of his closest business associates in later years, Jonathon Lyons, as saying that he was `a truly remarkable entrepreneur of the old kind – the kind they simply don’t make any more.’”

             Kiam wrote a number of business books:

• Going for It!: How to Succeed As an Entrepreneur
• Keep Going for It!
• Live to Win: Achieving Success in Life and Business

            I should have guessed…A great achiever, a doer….not a procrastinator.
            The quote got me wondering just who the procrastinators are, and why procrastination is something everyone seems to struggle with.

Procrastination: a behavior characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time.

            I know personally it’s not one of my biggest issues, but I certainly struggle with it from time to time. Why do it now if I can do it later?  That type of attitude is the beginning of the end when it comes to getting any type of work done, whether it’s a project, a longed-for goal, or just everyday chores. 
            When I find myself procrastinating, at some point I wake up to the fact that to be productive means that I have to stop the procrastination. 
            My procrastination is often a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. Sometimes it’s the result of a lack of discipline or motivation. Maybe someone is afraid of what will happen when the task is completed. Maybe they just plain hate the task at hand and hope it will disappear if they ignore it!
            But procrastination doesn’t usually solve the problem you’re trying to avoid. For some people, it can result in stress because of guilt over loss of personal productivity. It can create a crisis when you realize that an important task didn’t get done on time, or you experience the discomfort of others’ disapproval for not fulfilling one’s responsibilities or commitments.
             These combined feelings can promote further procrastination. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it becomes a habit or way or life.
            Don’t let procrastination create problems for you. When you procrastinate, many times that undone task or project is in the way, physically or mentally, before you can move on. This can create frustration, and roadblocks, and missed opportunities.

How not to procrastinate:

1. Recognize the why: Why not do it now? Why wait? Break it down to see why to wait, write it down. Isn’t it better to do it now?
2. Don’t worry about asking “What’s more important to focus on first?”
   Instead just ask, “What am I going to focus on right now?”
3. Work hard, play hard:  Schedule some downtime in your day to just take a break and relax.  Get this done so you will have time for something that is pleasurable.
4. Find coping mechanisms, ways to de-stress yourself:
   1. make a list
   2. stay organized
   3. be realistic: don’t overload your work schedule
5. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision. Don’t keep putting off decisions.

            Every one of us at one time or another has let procrastination get the best of us.  We let opportunities pass by because we’re not ready for them. Because of something we have not done, some thing we neglected to do yesterday, we miss a perfect opportunity…and we beat ourselves up for it. 
            Create affirmations for yourself, such as: “I possess an endless supply of creativity, energy and tolerance for any project that I commit to.” “I can always find time and energy to do what needs to be done. I do not procrastinate or forget.” (Quotations are from unknown source.)