I have grown a lot since I left my father’s home. I’ve learned to appreciate and respect life the way it is. It’s been a good life and time has flown by.

I’ve been in this country, America, now longer than I was in Viet Nam! Twenty-three years there, thirty years here.

Yet even while I love my home here, my heart still goes back to my home in Viet Nam, because that’s where my dad is. I haven’t seen him in forever, at least five years, and my heart cries to be with him again.

On a trip to Florida years ago, I saw a banyan tree growing mysteriously. It’s a type of fig tree that actually starts with its roots above ground, that then grow down into the earth. Eventually there is a tree with many branches from which descend thick roots like posts from branch to ground. It’s an amazing sight!

I feel like that banyan tree. I started my life in Viet Nam, that is where my roots lie. Then I came here and had my family. I am a branch from which the roots of my children drop down and take root in America, and then my grandchildren drop their roots and are rooted here as well.

The tree didn’t start its growth here, and some of its roots are far from where the present set of roots are, but they are all connected.

I am still very connected to my roots in Viet Nam, even though I feel so far away from them. I feel really like that banyan tree, that has roots in two places. But my dad is the main trunk of the tree for me. So that part of my heart is always in Viet Nam with him.

I hope to be able to visit him in the New Year.

At this holiday season, may you be with those who hold your heart. Have a joyous and prosperous new year!

It is the time of year when many of us stop to reflect on what we are grateful for.

Every day I am so grateful for what I have, I don’t need just one day of the year for thanks. But it is such a pleasure on this one day to sit around the table with family and friends, and hear what each person is thankful for.

When my family and I were escaping from Viet Nam, sneaking away at night, onboard the overcrowded fishing boat, waiting in a refugee camp, and trying to figure out how to make it in our new country, survival was uppermost on our minds. We were just looking one step ahead, figuring out what had to be done and doing it, and not able to think beyond that.

But then we survived, and started to thrive and found that we were living a good life. And at that point, knowing how blessed we were and are, it became time to give back.

When you have been through the worst you can imagine and come out the other side, you want to pass along to others the knowledge and the strength that helped you and can help others. This is why I am so happy to be sharing my father’s wisdom and my experiences with you in my writings, my talks, and my book.

Now our children are grown and they stand on their own merits. America gave them many opportunities and they utilized them to become good and productive citizens.

I am grateful for my family, this country, and the opportunity to make a difference.

I want the life I live to be an expression of gratitude for all we have received and been blessed with. My family and I live a life that is rich and full. Every day I think of the goodness of my life and what it took to get here. My heart is filled with gratitude.

This is the time for me to say Happy Thanksgiving, and I am so grateful for all of you, my friends.

            When was the last time you paid yourself a compliment? Seems a little strange, doesn’t it? Well, what about the last time you insulted yourself? Not hard to remember, right?
            How does it feel when you insult yourself? You deserve it, you get it out of the way before someone else can do it, it’s just true about you.
            Now, let me ask you, would you speak to a friend, your best friend, the way you speak to yourself? How would you feel insulting your friend the way you insult yourself?
            Maybe it’s time to start to treating yourself like you’re your own best friend. Be kind to him or her. Be respectful, honor him, take her seriously.
            How you treat yourself says volumes about your self esteem and also profoundly affects it. When you treat yourself like you are stupid and worthless, you then act it out without realizing it.
            And when you treat yourself like you are worthy of respect and are intelligent, loving, and lovable, then you automatically behave that way, as well.
            Self esteem is a combination of self-respect and self confidence. You owe it to yourself to boost your self-confidence and your self respect. You do so by how to talk to yourself and treat yourself.
            It may take time before you start seeing the difference, and it may feel very uncomfortable at first. But it’s worth the time and effort!
            Start now to treat yourself the way you want to be treated, with love, respect, and honor, and, especially, kindness.

            My friend Jonathan Manske is a Cerebral Sanitation Engineer. He specializes in helping you remove the trash from your head, such as all that belittling self talk that so many of us engage in. Some thoughts of his follow. And if you’d like to learn more, read his book The Law of Attraction Made Simple or contact him at jonathan@JonathanManske.com.

            Self-talk is part of being human.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of our self-talk is negative. This negative self-talk is really nothing more than a habit we learned from those around us.
            The problem with negative self-talk is that there is a part of us, the subconscious or unconscious mind, that believes everything it hears. Whether I say to myself, “I am an idiot” or “I am a genius,” that part of me believes whatever I have said to be true. 
            This creates certain responses and feelings in me. Obviously one will make me feel better than the other.
            Now the thing about habits is that they can be changed.  What if you got into the habit of saying nice things to yourself?  What if you got into the habit of catching the negative self-talk and immediately changing it into positive self-talk?
            Try it for a day! Today make a point of saying nice things to yourself throughout the day. This might feel strange or uncomfortable. Do it anyway. 

Try these on for starters:
I am smart!
I am wonderful!
I am a good person!
I deserve to succeed!
I am happy!

            When we make a mistake, we tend to follow it up with negative self-talk. “I forgot to pay that traffic ticket and now I have a late fee as well. I am such an idiot!”
            What if instead you said, “I forgot to pay that ticket on time, but I’m paying it now, and avoiding any more late fees! Good for me!”
            This produces a very different experience of yourself. One that is much more enjoyable and beneficial. Remember, there is a part of you that believes whatever you say.
            Take me up on this challenge.  Talk nicely to yourself today.  If you like it, do it again tomorrow.  Even if you don’t, do it again anyway! Why not, you are terrific and you deserve it! 

Wishing you great joy and success,
Jonathan Manske
Cerebral Sanitation Engineer
taking out your head trash

Open Forum Management helps you cultivate a new company culture that increases worker productivity, retention, and therefore, your profits.

 Open Forum Management has 4 important components. These components are very important.  In order for this to work, all 4 components must be implemented.

1.  Pathfinder: As the leader (business owner or manager) it is your responsibility to impart your vision and goals, articulate your values, and to persuade your team to embrace your vision and come on board with what your goals are.
2.  Alignment: Identify and assess team members’ personalities, strengths, talents, and weaknesses. Know where they will best fit into the scheme of things. This is aligning all the pieces for the best fit.
3. Entrust Your Team: With your team members in place, let them do what they do best. Give guidance where it is needed, but have team members use their experience and creativity. 
4. Role Model: You are a role model to your team! Do what you say, because your team is watching you. You must model the values you want implemented. You can’t just pay lip service, you must be what you say, otherwise you will not be an effective leader.

                 This weekend I had the privilege of attending the union of two extraordinary individuals.  I am so honored to have been asked to participate in the marriage these very special friends of mine.
                The ceremony took place on their estate, “this Field”, which is located in a secluded corner of the Granite State. It was beautifully landscaped for the event, with the gardens looking their very best. There were so many flowers scattered throughout the gardens and in vases and tubs everywhere. The large white tent set up for the event had tiny lights that sparkled like icicles and turned “this Field” into a wonderland, a magical place for the young and the young at heart.  
                At 3:00 on the afternoon of the wedding, the photographer set up and began to shoot the landscape and wedding setup.  Tables were covered in white linen with centerpieces of flowers from the garden, elegant and unique.  By 4:30 “this Field” was crowded with honored guests and family that the couple wanted to have witness their special moment.
                At 5:00 the limousine delivered the bride and the bridal party.  The bride was accompanied by her father, who walked her through an arched gate and across the manicured lawn. At the arched entrance to the garden her fiancé was waiting under a sign that read: Go out and prove God!   
               Six of her closest friends, including me, each said a few words about love and marriage, and gave some advice for the newly-weds.
                When I was standing in front of them, their friends and family I wanted to say something profound about their love… so I shared a few words about love by Kahlil Gibran, which I felt captures their love in words, and a few words on marriage by George Eliot to inspire them. 

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. 
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height
and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots  
and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you
That you may know the secrets of your heart,
And in that knowledge
Become a fragment of Life’s heart.

 George Eliot (19^th C British novelist) On Marriage

“What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life–to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?”

                In the end, I told them, “You no longer have to struggle alone.  Each of you has the other’s back. Each of you serves as the buttress for the other. Together you have the strength to conquer the world. May you have a long, blessed, and joyous union! Always remember “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.”{Johann Wolfgang von Goethe} My love goes with you. Congratulations!”

               They exchanged their vows and rings which were engraved: “I love you better” and “I love you more” (they had left which ring would say what up to the jeweler!)

                 It was a day for everyone to remember, a magical, mesmerizing day that enfolded all in the feeling of truest love. The power and magic of love had disarmed the skeptics. “Go Out to Prove God, or the Universe or for that matter…”

                My dear friend’s prayer had been answered: “Please send me the most wonderful and perfect man for me. When we meet I will know he is perfect for me and he will know that I am perfect for him.”

                This love affair did not happen overnight. Oh no! It took them 4 days after first meeting to realize how deeply they cared for each other.  At an event where I was the speaker I had watched them: their hands first touching and fingers interlocking, first gazing into each other’s eyes….

                It had taken the Universe 24 months to answer her prayers, but a lifetime to align them together. It was obvious to us that, “If they know what love is, it is because of each other.”

                They danced to “Something Good” from  The Sound of Music:

For here you are, standing there, loving me/Whether or not you should/
So somewhere in my youth or childhood/I must have done something good/
Nothing comes from nothing/Nothing ever could/So somewhere in my youth/
Or childhood/I must have done something . . ./Something good

                 Two people were in love. The breeze and the dragonflies, the mystical wild meadows and trees composed a majestic harmony of people, souls, and nature. My emotions welled up inside of me and I raised my glass: “To love …you have never let me down.  I believe in the power and the magic of love. I follow you. I am your faithful servant.”

                I left with a beautiful thank you present and a powerful message: a canvas bag with my name printed on one side and on the other side Go Out and Prove God. Inside the bag was a pillow embroidered with Follow Your Heart; It Knows the Way. 

                Indeed!

What Price Freedom?

             What is freedom? What does freedom mean to you?  What price are you willing to pay in order to obtain freedom? To me it’s priceless. It means being able to make my life what I want it to be, with sacrifice, courage, faith, and hope.
           The Vietnamese civil war was a long and exhausting affair, which claimed many lives and affected many families (Vietnamese and American). 
            In the 1970s I was a teenager. I had seen nothing yet of life and the world. My father was a very successful businessman so I grew up with luxury and privilege, everything I wanted my father would give me. I never had to struggle for anything I wanted or needed, it was simply handed to me.
            When I was growing up, I was unaware of the civil war. It had been going on since I was very young, and had not yet affected me. The Tet Offensive in 1968 brought the war into my consciousness. The Easter Offensive of 1972 escalated the war, and many of my friends were drafted as they finished high school. At that point I really started to understand the ramifications of the war.
            The war wreaked havoc on my life. It curtailed the innocent and carefree days of my youth, and destroyed many of our young people, their families, and my country. It still haunts me; it is always an undercurrent in my mind
            April 30, 1975. That was the day when South Vietnam fell to the Communists. I was hiding in a shelter underground and afraid I would die. Life as I had known it had just become a distant memory. 
            The atmosphere in Viet Nam under the Communists at that time was one of fear and terror. Everyone spied on everyone else, and if you did something someone didn’t like, you could be reported to the authorities. We were constantly at risk of offending the wrong person, doing the wrong thing. Anyone could be arrested and tortured at any time.
            Being wealthy was now a liability, and my father could no longer work at his business. The new government considered him an oppressor of the people, thinking that he was forcing them to work for him without proper recompense. We were paralyzed with fear and anticipation of horrible things, and within a few months we were put in a re-education camp.
            When we got out, my father was forced to make one of the most difficult decisions of his life. To ensure my safety and survival he knew I must escape the Communist regime and leave Vietnam, the only home I had known.
            I was twenty years old, and it was important to my father that I would be well taken care of. He did not want me to escape alone, but he couldn’t come with me. He decided he must remain in Viet Nam. If anything happened during my escape then he would be able to do something to rescue me.
            My father was worried that I would be traveling into an unknown world on an uncertain journey. He decided the best way to make sure I would be well taken care of was to have me get married so that my husband would take care of me and continue to keep me safe.
            So I married a stranger. There was no physical dowry, one which would have been typical for a wedding in Viet Nam. Instead my husband gave an emotional dowry, the promise to my father, and me, that he would care for, love, and protect me, my father’s only child.
            My sacrifice to get my freedom was to marry a perfect stranger, and come to a country I had never known, with only a handful of dollars in my pocket. My father’s unconditional love gave him the strength to let me go, even though I was his only child and his world had revolved around me.
            My faith and my strength carried me through to be able to know what freedom was about, in a way that was wholly new to me. I appreciate freedom today far more than I could have if I had not had to struggle and sacrifice for every bit of the life I have now. 

This is an excerpt from Empowered by Hope, which will be coming out this fall.

A Father’s Day Dedication to My Dad (Mr. Nguyen Van Tho)

“Do everything to the best of you ability, make an effort, bring energy and exude enthusiasm to all the things you do; live life to the fullest and make it significant. It comes down to: if you didn’t get up tomorrow morning, who would miss you? What have you contributed in your life? What will you be remembered for?”  Nguyen Van Tho

Father’s Day is coming up, and even more than usual, I’m thinking about my dad, Mr. Nguyen Van Tho.  He’s living in Viet Nam, and I haven’t seen him in 5 years, far too long. I’ll go see him in November and my heart is bursting with anticipation.
I decided long ago that in my life I would do nothing that did not reflect positively on my father’s life. My father didn’t tell me how to live. He just lived and let me watch.  His actions spoke volumes, and his words held weight because they were backed by his actions.
My journey has been a long, tough and often rough road. Coming from Viet Nam to this new country was a gift but also presented many difficulties. When I was here, despite the obstacles, I was determined to enjoy my freedom, to pursue a good quality of life for my family, and to honor both my old and new cultures. However, working so hard for my family, many times I felt that I had no more energy to keep going. Those were the times when I would remember what my father had told me.
His words were a gift I had not realized were with me. When I got discouraged, I looked inside myself for something to keep me going. I heard my father’s voice in my head: “Keep living your life until you draw your last breath.” It was as if he had encoded his voice onto a computer chip and embedded it in my brain’s memory bank.
All the times during my childhood that he had repeated over and over his philosophical sayings had had a miraculous power to keep me going. When I was at my lowest points, I remembered what he said and found the love and strength to continue.
I missed my father so much when I was in this country and wanted him still to be able to care for me. But though he wasn’t here with me, he gave me the gift of his philosophy, and to this day it continues to carry me forward.
These sayings became the foundation I have used to propel myself forward and achieve my dreams. They are priceless gifts I appreciate and will treasure for the rest of my life. In fact I have used these gifts to guide and teach my children.
In remembering what my father said and putting his philosophy into practice I discovered what his words meant and how they apply to my life in the present.
By sharing my father’s philosophy, I honor him and what he sacrificed for me, and I ensure that his wisdom lives on in those who carry it forward. I believe this is a timeless, universal philosophy of use to everyone that I will be sharing with you in the months to come.
On this Father’s Day, I want to express my profound gratitude to my dad, for he is love personified. Dad, you are the brightest star shining in the galaxy, taking me upward as I follow you. You are my compass in life! Your wisdom enlightens and inspires me. I have found over the years that your thoughts and dreams have inspired and enriched all the people’s lives you have touched. I am honored to be your daughter.

           This past week-end, I had a great time visiting with friends. We enjoyed the gift of each other’s company and an extraordinarily fine lunch.   

We had first met thirty years ago. At the time our children were toddlers, and now, our children are parents themselves. Time just flies! My friends brought their granddaughter and I brought my album full of pictures of my beautiful grandchildren.  First we caught up on our children—their three children and my four. Then we talked about the good old days and then, of course, we exchanged anecdotes about our grandchildren and the innocent and magical age they are right now.

            I told them how impressed I am with my two sons and their wives and their son and his wife…What good parents they are. The way they care for their children, discipline them….Ah, I think they are much better equipped to be great parents then we were.

            One of the great joys of being a grandparent is that we can just enjoy the grandchildren, then hand them back to their parents. Because our children are themselves such good parents, we can happily return our precious grandchildren to their loving and caring parents.

            Life is good. However, the fact remains that we are getting older. My friends gently reminded me: Yes, we are getting old! But that means we still have a wonderful life to live with the newest generation.

            Life is full of surprises and at times, despite how hard you try to move ahead, you just feel like you’re on a treadmill. You’re going the distance but not getting anywhere, you’re still in the exact same spot! Sometimes we feel like we’re juggling many balls, putting in lots of effort just to keep them in the air, without accomplishing anything.  At these times we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, out-of-control.

            In the black hole of frustration and despair, there is a magnetic force that can suck you in, so you need to find a way to move out of reach of that magnetic suction. How do you resist it and get moving again?

            Okay, take a deep breath. Find your center, the part of you that is calm and quiet (yes, you know it’s there somewhere) and feel the strength of your inner balance.

            You may need to take a few minutes, or an hour or a day, to sit with your calm, balanced self and rest and bring your focus back to the present, to what is most important. Decide what really needs to be done now, and what can wait till later. Can you ask for help, delegate a bit? Just let some of it go? Whatever you decide, you will have an easier, more productive time after you have centered and focused yourself.

            I learned this lesson recently from my three-year-old granddaughter, my esteemed “old” philosopher. In the midst of spinning out of control, too many things to do and too little time to do them, she taught me a profound lesson in living every day life. 

            Going into the bathroom, she told me that she’s a big girl now; she doesn’t have to sit on the Elmo booster toilet seat any more. “SEE A’Má!  I just balance myself so that I don’t fall into the big bowl.” And that’s what she did!

            I had my own “A Ha” moment then…the key is balance.

            As I said when I parted from my friends:  Until we meet again, my friends, I wish you good health, good fortune and a good sense of equanimity.

“Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.” – Victor Kiam

            Welcome to my “fortune cookie” house. I have inspirational quotes and Confucius’ sayings posted everywhere. They’re on my bedroom door, the ceiling, in my bathroom, in my office. This morning, I looked in the bathroom mirror, and there it was:  “Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.” – Victor Kiam…
            HMMM, so just who was Victor Kiam?  I looked him up in the Wikipedia. Victor K. Kiam (1926—2001) was an entrepreneur and owner of the New England Patriots from 1988-1991. “Upon Kiam’s death The Times quoted one of his closest business associates in later years, Jonathon Lyons, as saying that he was `a truly remarkable entrepreneur of the old kind – the kind they simply don’t make any more.’”

             Kiam wrote a number of business books:

• Going for It!: How to Succeed As an Entrepreneur
• Keep Going for It!
• Live to Win: Achieving Success in Life and Business

            I should have guessed…A great achiever, a doer….not a procrastinator.
            The quote got me wondering just who the procrastinators are, and why procrastination is something everyone seems to struggle with.

Procrastination: a behavior characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time.

            I know personally it’s not one of my biggest issues, but I certainly struggle with it from time to time. Why do it now if I can do it later?  That type of attitude is the beginning of the end when it comes to getting any type of work done, whether it’s a project, a longed-for goal, or just everyday chores. 
            When I find myself procrastinating, at some point I wake up to the fact that to be productive means that I have to stop the procrastination. 
            My procrastination is often a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. Sometimes it’s the result of a lack of discipline or motivation. Maybe someone is afraid of what will happen when the task is completed. Maybe they just plain hate the task at hand and hope it will disappear if they ignore it!
            But procrastination doesn’t usually solve the problem you’re trying to avoid. For some people, it can result in stress because of guilt over loss of personal productivity. It can create a crisis when you realize that an important task didn’t get done on time, or you experience the discomfort of others’ disapproval for not fulfilling one’s responsibilities or commitments.
             These combined feelings can promote further procrastination. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it becomes a habit or way or life.
            Don’t let procrastination create problems for you. When you procrastinate, many times that undone task or project is in the way, physically or mentally, before you can move on. This can create frustration, and roadblocks, and missed opportunities.

How not to procrastinate:

1. Recognize the why: Why not do it now? Why wait? Break it down to see why to wait, write it down. Isn’t it better to do it now?
2. Don’t worry about asking “What’s more important to focus on first?”
   Instead just ask, “What am I going to focus on right now?”
3. Work hard, play hard:  Schedule some downtime in your day to just take a break and relax.  Get this done so you will have time for something that is pleasurable.
4. Find coping mechanisms, ways to de-stress yourself:
   1. make a list
   2. stay organized
   3. be realistic: don’t overload your work schedule
5. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision. Don’t keep putting off decisions.

            Every one of us at one time or another has let procrastination get the best of us.  We let opportunities pass by because we’re not ready for them. Because of something we have not done, some thing we neglected to do yesterday, we miss a perfect opportunity…and we beat ourselves up for it. 
            Create affirmations for yourself, such as: “I possess an endless supply of creativity, energy and tolerance for any project that I commit to.” “I can always find time and energy to do what needs to be done. I do not procrastinate or forget.” (Quotations are from unknown source.)