Paper house for my father's funeral.

 I recently returned from Viet Nam, where I laid my father to rest and said my final goodbyes. It was a profound experience, and one that left me sorrowing for his loss, and joyfully celebrating his life. 

When I got back I found so many sympathy cards, notes, tweets, and e-mails! It was so moving to feel how much my friends and readers care and appreciate my father and the relationship I had with him. It affirmed my desire to share what he gave me with others, that his is a gift that extends far beyond me.

 I’m sad and I miss him terribly—I will every day of my life—but he gave me so much joy and happiness. Everything around me reminds me of him, of his love for me, what he taught me, how supportive he was. So that even though he is gone, he is with me always. The thought and memory of him give me strength.

 I thank all of you, dear friends and readers, for your love and support, and for appreciating my father’s legacy. Thank you for joining me in honoring him.

 My dad gave me the foundation for my life and equipped me to go on the journey that brought me to this point. That is why I wrote my book, Empowered by Hope, so that I could share his wisdom.

 My mother died when I was 8 years old, and I was an only child, so my father focused his love and attention on me.

 He said “When you’re a parent, you parent from the day your children are born until the day you die.” He truly exemplified that, even choosing to die at a time that was auspicious for my life.

According to his belief in astrology, that time would have positive energy and a positive effect on me. His intention was that I have an abundance of happiness, good health, and prosperity.

 I knew that he was giving me his blessing and his best wishes. He lived his life for me to the very end, and I am deeply grateful.

 Now that he has passed and is at peace, I can focus on my writing and speaking, and I look forward to sharing more with you.

My best always, Ha

On Monday night, May 24, 2010, my father, Mr. Nguyen Van Tho, passed quietly away. He had indeed “lived his life until he drew his last breath”. I will miss him terribly, but also continue to honor him and celebrate his life and the profound gifts he gave me.

In March of this year I was able to go to Viet Nam and visit him for 2 weeks. I hadn’t seen him in six very long years. It was hard, because he was very old and didn’t remember much or talk.But it was clear that he remembered me and responded to me and it was my pleasure to be able to care for him for that short period of time.

I had hoped to go home for his final days, but I was unable to work it out. However, on his last night, I was able to speak to him by phone. I think that, as my friend has told me, his soul heard and knew me.

I am amazed that he lived to be 99 years old! And blessed that he was in the world for all that time.

One thing my father told me when I became a parent was that you are a parent from the moment your child is born until you die. My father was certainly my parent for my whole life, even when we were separated by thousands of miles. His love and wisdom held me and guided me always.

I have been so excited because my book Empowered By Hope has just been published! It was my present to my dad, honoring him and what he taught me, and my way of sharing his wise words.

I am happy I was able to finish it before he died.

I will be in Viet Nam for several weeks, for my father’s funeral and the customs and traditions that my people have to honor the deceased.

When I get back, I will be having my book launch party to celebrate its publication and start its journey into the world! It will be bittersweet because of my dad, but, also, the best way I can think of to say “thank you” to him.

I wrote this for him last year for Father’s Day, and I leave you with it now:

On this Father’s Day, I want to express my profound gratitude to my dad, for he is love personified. Dad, you are the brightest star shining in the galaxy, taking me upward as I follow you. You are my compass in life! Your wisdom enlightens and inspires me. I have found over the years that your thoughts and dreams have inspired and enriched all the people’s lives you have touched. I am honored to be your daughter.

My best always,

Ha

It is the time of year when many of us stop to reflect on what we are grateful for.

Every day I am so grateful for what I have, I don’t need just one day of the year for thanks. But it is such a pleasure on this one day to sit around the table with family and friends, and hear what each person is thankful for.

When my family and I were escaping from Viet Nam, sneaking away at night, onboard the overcrowded fishing boat, waiting in a refugee camp, and trying to figure out how to make it in our new country, survival was uppermost on our minds. We were just looking one step ahead, figuring out what had to be done and doing it, and not able to think beyond that.

But then we survived, and started to thrive and found that we were living a good life. And at that point, knowing how blessed we were and are, it became time to give back.

When you have been through the worst you can imagine and come out the other side, you want to pass along to others the knowledge and the strength that helped you and can help others. This is why I am so happy to be sharing my father’s wisdom and my experiences with you in my writings, my talks, and my book.

Now our children are grown and they stand on their own merits. America gave them many opportunities and they utilized them to become good and productive citizens.

I am grateful for my family, this country, and the opportunity to make a difference.

I want the life I live to be an expression of gratitude for all we have received and been blessed with. My family and I live a life that is rich and full. Every day I think of the goodness of my life and what it took to get here. My heart is filled with gratitude.

This is the time for me to say Happy Thanksgiving, and I am so grateful for all of you, my friends.

What Price Freedom?

             What is freedom? What does freedom mean to you?  What price are you willing to pay in order to obtain freedom? To me it’s priceless. It means being able to make my life what I want it to be, with sacrifice, courage, faith, and hope.
           The Vietnamese civil war was a long and exhausting affair, which claimed many lives and affected many families (Vietnamese and American). 
            In the 1970s I was a teenager. I had seen nothing yet of life and the world. My father was a very successful businessman so I grew up with luxury and privilege, everything I wanted my father would give me. I never had to struggle for anything I wanted or needed, it was simply handed to me.
            When I was growing up, I was unaware of the civil war. It had been going on since I was very young, and had not yet affected me. The Tet Offensive in 1968 brought the war into my consciousness. The Easter Offensive of 1972 escalated the war, and many of my friends were drafted as they finished high school. At that point I really started to understand the ramifications of the war.
            The war wreaked havoc on my life. It curtailed the innocent and carefree days of my youth, and destroyed many of our young people, their families, and my country. It still haunts me; it is always an undercurrent in my mind
            April 30, 1975. That was the day when South Vietnam fell to the Communists. I was hiding in a shelter underground and afraid I would die. Life as I had known it had just become a distant memory. 
            The atmosphere in Viet Nam under the Communists at that time was one of fear and terror. Everyone spied on everyone else, and if you did something someone didn’t like, you could be reported to the authorities. We were constantly at risk of offending the wrong person, doing the wrong thing. Anyone could be arrested and tortured at any time.
            Being wealthy was now a liability, and my father could no longer work at his business. The new government considered him an oppressor of the people, thinking that he was forcing them to work for him without proper recompense. We were paralyzed with fear and anticipation of horrible things, and within a few months we were put in a re-education camp.
            When we got out, my father was forced to make one of the most difficult decisions of his life. To ensure my safety and survival he knew I must escape the Communist regime and leave Vietnam, the only home I had known.
            I was twenty years old, and it was important to my father that I would be well taken care of. He did not want me to escape alone, but he couldn’t come with me. He decided he must remain in Viet Nam. If anything happened during my escape then he would be able to do something to rescue me.
            My father was worried that I would be traveling into an unknown world on an uncertain journey. He decided the best way to make sure I would be well taken care of was to have me get married so that my husband would take care of me and continue to keep me safe.
            So I married a stranger. There was no physical dowry, one which would have been typical for a wedding in Viet Nam. Instead my husband gave an emotional dowry, the promise to my father, and me, that he would care for, love, and protect me, my father’s only child.
            My sacrifice to get my freedom was to marry a perfect stranger, and come to a country I had never known, with only a handful of dollars in my pocket. My father’s unconditional love gave him the strength to let me go, even though I was his only child and his world had revolved around me.
            My faith and my strength carried me through to be able to know what freedom was about, in a way that was wholly new to me. I appreciate freedom today far more than I could have if I had not had to struggle and sacrifice for every bit of the life I have now. 

This is an excerpt from Empowered by Hope, which will be coming out this fall.